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Center for Enlightened Leadership
 
THE LENS E-NEWSLETTER/JOURNAL

The Challenge of Openness
By STEPHEN L. SOKOLOW

  Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow
  Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow
Executive Director and Founding Partner

When it comes to Openness, we are like Goldilocks tasting the porridge—we’re happiest when it’s just right, not too hot and not too cold. Our challenge is to test life’s porridge and discern when it is just right. We have a much bigger challenge than Goldilocks because life is continually in flux, and so are we. Consciously and unconsciously, we are continually responding to life’s circumstances with varying degrees of openness. We can find ourselves in difficulty if we are too open or too closed at a particular time or in a particular set of circumstances. When this happens, often we can adjust our degree of openness to see if we can get a better result.

As a universal principle, openness plays a role in our lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Here’s an example: Many years ago I smoked a pipe. I really liked being a pipe smoker. I liked the aroma, I liked the feel of it, I liked the look of it (kind of professorial), and I found it relaxing. Most of the people around me at work and at home didn’t like my pipe smoking so much. In fact, they disliked it. I knew that it was an unhealthy habit. I knew that I might even get mouth cancer and possibly die from it. I knew that the secondhand smoke might be harmful—not only to me but to others including my family, but for the longest time I continued smoking my pipe anyway.

Upon reflection, it is clear to me that this was an area where I was closed when I needed to be more open. Fortunately, I made an adjustment before I got mouth cancer or lung cancer or caused serious damage to those around me. What changed? I believe that higher powers in the universe are always trying to help us discern when the porridge is just right, and conversely to let us know when it’s not. One of the mechanisms by which this occurs is another principle of life called “synchronicity”—a meaningful coincidence. I subscribe to the rule of threes. When something comes to me three times in fairly close proximity, I take it as a signal from the universe to pay attention and be more open. During the same week, my father (who lives in Florida and rarely offers advice), my wife, and my two children all asked me to stop smoking. I knew from talking with them that they had not colluded. The universe was sending me a message loud and clear, so I stopped smoking. That was 18 years ago—so far so good.

I’m aware that countless numbers of people have quit smoking, each for their own reasons. I would be surprised, however, if very many would view this as a matter of openness. Smoking a pipe affected my body and those around me at a physical level. At a mental level, I thought it made me look sophisticated and thoughtful. At an emotional level, I found it soothing and relaxing. And at a spiritual level, I was denying its harmful effects on those around me. I was closed when I needed to be open—open to changing my behavior. By paying attention to the synchronistic information I was receiving, I made a conscious choice to give up my pipe even though I had refused to do so for years.

The universe sends us messages in a variety of ways, often through people in our family or others we know and respect. Currently, I’m getting a message from the universe that I should practice yoga. I’ve been resistant (i.e., closed) to even trying it. Two members of my family and my Reiki teacher all are encouraging me to give yoga an honest try. As I write this article on the challenge of openness, I feel compelled to walk my talk despite my qualms. So yoga here I come. The universe is talking to me, and I choose to be open to it, albeit reluctantly. I say this because I can’t say I’m looking forward to it or feeling enthusiastic about it. I can only say that, heretofore, I’ve said no (I was closed to even trying it), and now I’m saying yes.

As leaders, we not only have to model openness, we need to encourage others to be open as well. We can create conditions that facilitate openness. Many years ago, my wife Laney was offered the opportunity to teach gifted children. Her initial reaction was negative. She was not open to it, and she had many practical reasons for declining the opportunity. She was fearful that she might not be successful with this new population of students (let alone their demanding parents). I strongly encouraged her to reconsider and take on this new challenge, and to her credit she did. Today, looking back on her career, reflecting on her own growth and the positive effect she had on this challenging population of children, she’ll tell you it was one of the best decisions she ever made. Without encouragement and support, she would have opted for the status quo, as happens with most of us more often than not.

Sometimes, as a leader we not only have to offer encouragement; we must also mitigate perceived risk. I recall encouraging a teacher to leave the classroom to assume a school-wide position as coordinator of the gifted program. He was very successful and happy in his present role. He turned me down, saying he didn’t know if he would find fulfillment in this new role. As superintendent, I was in a position to give him a letter guaranteeing him the option to return to his former position after one year. Under those conditions, he took the new assignment and never exercised his option. Without a safety net, he would not have been open to taking the risk associated with this new position.

Some closing thoughts on openness: Openness is not easy. It’s hard to be open to new ideas, new experiences, and new challenges. Openness always involves some degree of risk. It involves going from the known to the unknown, which can be scary and unnerving. It involves going from the safe and secure to who knows what. Nonetheless, we must be open to openness. We must move toward openness, because we live in an ever-changing world. The world around us changes, and we must adapt and change or stagnate and wither. The universe provides us with seemingly endless challenges and opportunities to grow. We cannot meet those challenges and grow if we are not open to a world that is ever-changing and percolating with endless possibilities. Enjoy your porridge.


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