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Do Drop In –The Power of Now
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Kathleen Alfiero |
My legs shook fiercely; it was hard to not focus on them. I was sure that I would fall and get hurt. The thin wire strung between two super-tall trees was all there was under my feet. My left hand gripped the tail of the first short piece of white rope that dangled loosely from another thin wire above me.
From the top of the rope to my end of my toes, there was a continuous and powerful nervous vibration. It took every bit of concentration I had to consider letting go of the first rope so I could get to the next one. Each of the three remaining ropes was spaced farther apart than the length of my outstretched arm. Time moved slowly, helping me to be aware of every moment.
We can’t help but live in the moment. It’s all we have, really. No matter what we are thinking about, the past or the future, we are thinking about it now. It’s how we feel in the moment that matters. Our power comes from our emotions; our most important goal is always to feel good. But I sure was feeling disempowered at the beginning of my first and only Outward Bound experience!
My heart pounded whenever I heard the words “Outward Bound.” It intrigued me that I had such a strong negative response to something that had so little to do with me. I noticed that it was similar to the feeling I had every time my mother said the word “dentist.” I didn’t want to have anything to do with either one of those things!
“I’m going to get you up in the trees one day,” my friend Kathy teased me.
Kathy and I worked together in a public high school. Before becoming a health teacher, she had been an Outward Bound instructor. She was a beautiful, unique, accomplished woman who passed away at only 45 years old. It comforts me that in her short time on this earth, she chose to live such a full and rich life.
When Kathy tried something new, often an outdoor activity, she quickly moved on from being a student to teaching whatever the activity was. She was a well-known skiing instructor, a kayak guide who ended up having a water hole on the Kennebec River named for her, an amazing swimming coach, and she taught people how to sail. I certainly never considered myself to be the outdoor type, so it’s odd that as soon as we met, we quickly became friends.
“I’m never going to get close to any trees when you’re around,” I told her. I was sure that my interests, talents, and confidence did not align with attempting any life-threatening activities.
My mother was always afraid that her children would be physically hurt. Her fears were founded in the traumatic experience she had at age 11 when her baby brother passed away after falling out a second-floor window. Mom’s emotional wounds affected me. I learned to play it safe. When I was trying to help my son learn to ski, I became aware that, like my mother, I was overprotective and terrified. (Though I resisted learning to ski, my uncle was a great skier. When he was teaching all of his nieces and nephews, he wouldn’t let me stay in the lodge!)
My husband loved to ski, and we ended up buying a ski lodge at Sugarloaf Mountain. I was definitely interested in pleasing him and other people more than myself at the time, so I pretended to enjoy my winter weekends on the slopes. There were some things about those times that I loved and remember fondly; however, except for a handful of times, I was not living in the present as I inched my way down the hill. My eyes pierced each new section of the snowy trail as I watched for icy patches. I was the slowest skier at Sugarloaf! I might have won an award had anyone believed that being cautious was worthy of some distinction.
We cannot be happy and fearful in the same moment. Fear, worry, and negative thoughts diminish our power. Since everything we want is because we think it will make us feel good, it was a mystery that I kept doing something that scared me. Years later, I came to the realization that I was driven by a false belief that I was responsible for other people’s happiness. I intentionally worked on changing that belief. It wasn’t working for me.
Shortly after we met, Kathy invited me to help her facilitate Outward Bound team-building adventures for organizations. We agreed that I would only be involved in the debriefing sessions. We were conducting an empowerment workshop for an educational group the day I found myself up on the wire.
I stood next to the ladder encouraging each of the participants to “go for it” as they made their way to the platform at the top. Suddenly, Kathy’s assistant Charlie began putting a harness on me. He didn’t know me very well then, but I’m positive that he intuitively sensed my unconscious longing to feel the power and the joy that others were experiencing at the end of their challenge.
With very little verbal resistance, I allowed Charlie to get me ready. I felt as if I had an out-of-body experience while he was lovingly pushing me up the ladder.
During my climb, I was at odds with myself. It seemed that my physical self—my mind in particular—was running interference with my inner desire to keep going. Fortunately, my wiser, more trusting self was excited and won out.
The key to our power is to intentionally align with the whole of who we really are, remembering that we are here to experience joy.
I let go of the first rope while my legs were still trembling uncontrollably. There was no way out. I had to move forward. It became clear to me that my only real choice was to refocus my mind to try to see the possibilities rather than the danger.
The most incredible moment of that experience still gives me chills. After I reached and then let go of the third shaky rope, something happened. I shifted my focus and looked directly at the beautiful sky that appeared to be at eye level. I felt myself drop solidly into my body. My legs stopped shaking, and I was completely at peace. I took a deep breath and moved gracefully to the fourth and last rope. As I grabbed it, I began to feel the thrill of my accomplishment rise up in me. My last few side-to-side steps were actually fun! As I jumped onto the platform, I heard my new friends screaming with happiness for me. I heard Kathy laugh. Her laugh was the best sound of all. I realized I was screaming too!
We aren’t meant to live only joy-filled moments because there is great benefit to be gained from our negative feelings—as long as we don’t let them linger. They help us clarify what we want. They nudge us to be flexible and willing to change any belief we have that holds us back. My wisest whole self went up that ladder to teach me that, at any moment in time, I can drop in, let go, and land fully into my power.
My love and appreciation for my dear friend Kathy continues. I will forever cherish the gift that she and Charlie gave me that day.
Center for Empowered Leadership ®
Email: info@cfel.org
Phone: 1.609.259.7911