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Aligning with the Higher Self
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| Peter and Anne Selby Associates |
A friend of ours, a retired vice president of a large aerospace company, told us about a high-priced consultant who had been brought over from Japan to figure out why the production quality of the wiring department was so consistently poor. When the specialist arrived, he walked through the plant and walked out again, announcing summarily that he was going home. Everyone was quite puzzled. After all, this consultant charged $10,000 a day and was known to have worked a miracle at a Japanese car company with some serious quality control issues.
Asked why he was leaving before he had even begun, the consultant explained that he could not be effective because the workers lacked “shiny eyes.” He said those in management were “blockheads” whose top-down management style discouraged workers from having a sense of pride and job satisfaction. Eventually he was prevailed upon to stay and facilitate the shift in management style necessary to rectify the situation. The key change involved including the workers in problem-solving the issues they were dealing with in their work and giving them a voice in workplace/management decisions.
So what does this story have to do with the higher self? We believe that so-called “shiny eyes” are derived from connecting to one’s higher self and Divine Source and that the sparkle we observe in those with shiny eyes is the light that flows down the central channel from above, where higher consciousness resides. When people are discouraged and disgruntled, they “detune” from this higher mind and become stuck in negative attitudes and energies that are very different from higher states of awareness. It is in this zone of negativity that parasitic entities are able to latch onto and siphon off vital force, compounding the negativity.
We have consistently observed that eyes brighten and sparkle again once these negative states of mind and entity attachments have been observed, understood, and healed through higher awareness and choices that restore coherence between the personality and the higher self. With the return of the sparkle and light in the eye comes renewed vitality and an improvement in overall health.
Ideally each person has an innate connection to their Divinity or higher nature. This connection is strengthened or diminished depending on how well-aligned one is with this higher being.
Recently we treated a client who was acutely depressed and even despairing of life because her husband had just announced to her and their children that he wanted a divorce. Shock and grief were written all over her face. The corners of her mouth were decidedly downturned; she was pale and collapsed forward in her posture. When she invited us to observe her energy field, we observed multiple “tubes”—energy structures that reflect co-dependent connections between people—between herself and her husband. The relationship had evolved numerous patterns in which one or the other of them was acting as a substitute source for the energy that comes through an authentic vertical connection with one’s own higher self and Source energy. We call this phenomenon “outsourcing.”
Our client explained that she believed that, in her relationship with her husband, it was the responsibility of each of them to understand the other person’s childhood wounding and commit to meeting those needs that had originally gone unmet. For her, this meant that her need to be supported emotionally—which she felt she had not experienced with her parents during childhood—now became her husband’s obligation. And she was depressed and disappointed that he was not willing to live up to this expectation.
She explained that, in her view, every person has a particular “attachment” style based on their original wounding. Each partner needs to understand the other’s needs and respond accordingly. At one level this sounds completely reasonable—and it is. And yet her dependency on her husband’s emotional support in order to feel loved and safe substituted for her actually healing her relationship to her higher self and Source, so that she would be able to accept the responsibility to feel safe and supported in the Universe within her own frame of reference. And his need to sidestep any responsibility for his wife’s emotional burden and remain detached and free thwarted his ability to be in touch with his own emotional experience.
The “attachment exercises,” recommended by the marriage therapist our client and her husband were seeing, ironically tipped her husband over the edge. His need for positivity, space, and freedom was radically provoked. Unexpectedly he announced that their marriage was over and that he was resolute that he was not going to continue with further marriage therapy.
Co-dependency is mutually unsatisfactory. For our client, the unseen dynamic that set up the co-dependency was her projection onto her partner of issues that had not been previously healed and integrated. She gave away her power in the hope that her partner would make her feel loved and supported. She projected onto him that it was his job and that he would do that for her if he loved her. Likewise, her husband could have been projecting his emotional needs that he could not own or deal with onto her, assigning her to represent the vulnerability he could not own and address within himself and that he found equally difficult to address when his partner was representing what was for him unacceptable emotional neediness—and thus he would appear to not be supportive and available emotionally.
In both cases, a true connection to the higher self would remedy the co-dependent dynamic and allow this couple a truer and more satisfactory encounter with each other. Our tendency to fall into co-dependent relationships is reduced when we primarily source our needs vertically within our own connection to our higher self and God (or whatever one names it).
The higher self is the part of oneself that is above the personality—a purer representation of one’s true Soul nature. While not perfect, it is more closely associated with one’s innate wisdom and divinity. It is not subject to the neuroses found at the personality level and is most often the still, small voice heard in the quiet of calm self-reflection. It comes through intuition and instinctive sensibilities as a higher truth and a calm knowing or feeling that somehow “feels” right. When one takes the time to seek and reflect upon the higher self, one experiences the gift of perspective and detachment. The higher self really is “above it all” and is a genuine expression reflecting the wisdom, love, and positivity of the Soul and the higher impulses of the Spirit.
Best of all, a healthy connection to the Higher Self gives you Shiny Eyes. Shine on, Shine on.
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Center for Empowered Leadership ®
Email: info@cfel.org
Phone: 1.609.259.7911