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Expect the Unexpected
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| Christa Metzger Associate |
The theme for Issue 26 of the Lens, “The Power of Expectations,” was announced several months ago. Although I didn’t begin writing until shortly before the deadline, I alerted my “reticular activating system” to pay attention to anything about this topic. I created a computer file and a manila folder for pertinent ideas and clippings.
As I began writing, here is some of what made its way into my folders: There was a New York Times article about women in business who wanted high-achieving careers but faced “mismatched expectations between what they hope to achieve in their careers and family lives, and what actually happens.”
Another clipping showed the happy face of the first woman ever to be named Bishop of the Church of England. She called her promotion “an unexpected joy.”
And there was a short piece from the “Health” section of a national news journal titled “Low expectations boost happiness.” It seems that researchers monitoring brain activity while volunteers played a game found that the degree of happiness players experienced when they won depended on their expectations: the lower their expectations, the happier they were about winning.
The title of this article came from a friend who told me that one of her life principles is to “expect the unexpected.”
I recalled what all educators learn in teacher training and leadership classes about the “Pygmalion effect.” And I remembered the film I had shown to my administrative preparation classes about teacher Jane Elliott, who incorporated this effect into her study of a classroom. She set up an experiment in which children were treated differently (profiled) according to their eye colors, thus creating responses of “inferior” or “superior” children.
I was fascinated by a corollary of the Pygmalion effect: the “Golem effect.” (The Golem is a character in Jewish and German folktales.) The Golem effect is a psychological phenomenon in which lower expectations placed on individuals lead to a decrease in their performance. Both the Pygmalion and Golem effects are forms of “self-fulfilling prophecies.”
I realized that my folders contained some contradictions about this topic. For example, the title I had selected for my article: my friend’s motto. What did it really mean? If you expect the unexpected, doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t have any expectations in order to be prepared for something unexpected? It would certainly be a way to prevent feelings of disappointment when some expected outcome was not fulfilled.
What was the paradox about expectations? Would it be better not to have any at all? In my professional and personal life I’ve always lived by Goethe’s famous saying: if you “treat people as though they were what they ought to be, you can help them become what they are capable of being.” Now I’m wondering if that’s a profound truth, or if it simply implies that you are somehow in charge of the results. Is there something to learn about letting go of responsibility for the outcomes of expectation?
As I pondered all of this, I thought that it might actually be liberating not to be too attached to the results of expectations. For example, I expect my husband (or, in other parts of my life, my supervisor, or minister, or friend) to treat me a certain way. But if they don’t, I don’t want to fall apart or decide I’ll never again trust that person with certain hopes in the future. It would certainly reduce my level of stress to realize that I’m not always (or ever?) in control of what happens with my expectations.
As a leader (or a teacher), I do believe that it’s essential to set high expectations for the students, the staff, and all those for whose “product” we are in some way accountable. We must show them trust and respect and do everything possible to help them reach the expected outcomes. If the results turn out to be less than, or different from, what we anticipated, it may be due to factors such as the motivation, skills, and knowledge of the individuals involved, our own limitations as leaders or teachers, or possibly some constraints in the organizational environment itself. My superintendent’s primary motivation may be political, my colleagues may not have the knowledge to assist me with a particular decision, my spouse may not even care about an issue I’m facing, and I may not have the tools I need to help someone else achieve a particular outcome.
The reverse is also true. If I have low expectations for myself or others, I might be surprised by an unexpected outcome. Perhaps there is a mysterious force at work, or an incantation, such as the rituals that were used to breathe life into the Golem in order to enable it to protect the village people. The results might be influenced by an unseen entity, as in the Greek myth of Pygmalion. Pygmalion had fallen madly in love with the ivory statue of a woman he had created; the goddess Aphrodite breathed life into the statue so that Pygmalion could make her his bride.
In our younger years, many of us set goals and firmly believe in our ability to achieve them. We believe we are in control—especially in the first half of our life! As we grow older, life happens to us and we discover that inexplicable factors and unforeseen circumstances influence the results of our expectations. It might be a sudden illness, a change in someone’s attitude, a catastrophic event that alters our situation, or some transformation within ourselves.
Gradually we learn to accept these forces and to be at peace with them. And then one day we begin to sense that there might even be some desirable independence, a delightful freedom, in not being attached to our anticipated outcomes. We may well find that the unexpected is better than anything we could have imagined, and even more appropriate than what we had desired! As we learn to let go, we discover that there are yet surprises and unexpected miracles waiting for us along our life’s path.
Center for Empowered Leadership ®
Email: info@cfel.org
Phone: 1.609.259.7911