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Center for Enlightened Leadership
 
THE LENS – A QUARTERLY E-NEWSLETTER/JOURNAL

Welcome to the ninth issue of The Lens. In each issue of The Lens we will feature one of the spiritual principles of leadership. In this issue we Focus on The Positive. In part, this is the theme of Earl Nightingale's The Strangest Secret. An excerpt from this DVD is available at Simpletruths.com, a source of inspirational books and DVDs.

In this issue we welcome the contributions from Dr. Lawrence C. Korchnak, superintendent of the Baldwin-Whitehall School District in western Pennsylvania and Dr. Christa Metzger, professor emeritus in educational leadership at California State University.

Please note that to print The Lens, click on your File menu, then select Page Setup and choose Landscape. If you want to print a single article rather than the entire issue, you must copy and paste the article into a word document.

- Stephen L. Sokolow, Executive Director

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

On the Sunny Side of the Street
By PAUL D. HOUSTON

A Positive Outlook
By STEPHEN SOKOLOW

Bad Things Happen…Then What?
By ADAM SOKOLOW

Invisible Loving
By DOMENICO PIAZZA

Retirement — Twilight or Dawn? Part II
By CHRISTA METZGER

Good News! Developing Partnerships for a Promising Future in Catholic Education
By BEA MAH HOLLAND

Peace and Happiness Through “Positivity”
BY CLAIRE SHEFF KOHN

“Get in the Van”
By KATHLEEN ALFIERO

Accentuating the Positive: Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports
By MAYBETH CONWAY

An Amazing Woman
By TOM VONA

Trust in Negotiations
By LAWRENCE KORCHNAK

Being Positive—the Fine Print
By ROBERT W. COLE

Letters to the Editor
From Our Readers

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On the Sunny Side of the Street
By PAUL D. HOUSTON

  Dr. Paul. D. Houston
  Dr. Paul D. Houston
Founding Partner

For years I have been called the “Pony Finder” by friends and colleagues. It comes from the story of the optimist who, confronted by a pile of horse manure, went off looking for the pony. All my life I have been blessed with a sense of resilience and a sense of optimism. It probably came from my parents. Whatever its source, it has served me well over the years.

I realize that there are others who, confronted by a sunny sky or a silver lining, immediately start looking for the dark cloud. I have always felt sorry for them because their lives always seem less joyous and a much tougher slog. Perhaps they had a different childhood or grew up with their bed pushed against a wall, forcing them always to get up on the wrong side of the bed. Whatever the reason, life is longer and darker for them.

However, I believe that to a great degree we have a choice in how we confront life. Yes, bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people; we can spend our time wondering why, or we can just get on with our life. There is the old saw that says when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. The choice is yours. Now I realize that while you can choose to make lemonade, you certainly can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit. You can, however, spread it on your garden. There is always a positive use for even the worst of situations that confront us. We can sit around bemoaning the problems, or we can extract the lessons they offer.

Steve Sokolow likes to talk about being a “possibility thinker.” He has a point. At some point we have to stop thanking (or blaming) our parents and our upbringing and decide what we want to make of our own life. Again, it’s our choice.

What’s more, we have to start with what we have. There is a real affinity for underdogs and Cinderellas in the human make-up. We love the loveable loser who overcomes the odds and wins in the end. This past spring we have all Googled Susan Boyle, that less than stunning middle-aged lady from a little village in Scotland who stunned the world with her beautiful voice. We recently elected a President whose life story is about overcoming the odds and achieving greatness. Now we are observing the battle over Judge Sonia Sotomayor, whose amazing personal story frames her abilities and the battle over her nomination.

America itself is a Cinderella story. We were kind of like the scullery maid to England who ascended to royalty. At every level of life we can find stories demonstrating that anything is possible, if we will just choose. Professor Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series suggested to Harry that our destiny is not shaped by the talents we have but by the choices we make. In the end, regardless of where you start, it is about where you choose to go.

In his current bestseller, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell focuses on what makes great people great. Yes, he says, talent plays a role, but talent is trumped by hard work. Gladwell also talks about the major role of “cultural legacy” in people’s lives. We are shaped by the culture we grew up in. My own optimism was shaped by growing up as a hillbilly. I was taught that even if you were poor you didn’t have to act poorly. This notion of “cultural legacy” has dramatic implications for education. What kind of culture are we creating for students in schools? We seem to be spending a lot of time telling them what they don’t know and what they can’t do. This creates a culture of failure. We need to use more possibility thinking with our young people. My parents spent a lot of time telling me that I was special. I really don’t think that I was—but over time I bought into their line. I tried to live up to that expectation. Maybe that’s what made me a pony finder. We need to make certain that every child grows with a sense that they are special, so they don’t step in the manure of life and think that defines them.

When I visited South Africa, our guide spoke about Nelson Mandela. Most of us know about Mandela’s 28 years spent in prison and how he left prison with a sense of compassion and forgiveness. By any measure, he was and is a great man. Unlike most blacks of his time in South Africa, he was able to attend a school that educated him fully and without the limits of his race. He came from a family that had a sense of nobility to it, so he grew up knowing he was special. And he took the lemons of apartheid and made from them the lemonade of democracy. As our guide Kenny was talking about Mandela, he said, “You see, some people see the glass as half full and some see it as half empty, and a few go out and fill it up. That was Mandela.” Nelson Mandela made the choice to act from a sense of possibility. He was surrounded by negativity, but he chose the positive. I firmly believe that we can choose to walk on the sunny side of the street. All we need do is make the choice to step out of the shadows.

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A Positive Outlook
By STEPHEN L. SOKOLOW

  Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow
  Dr. Stephen L. Sokolow
Executive Director and Founding Partner

  I’m one of those people who has been blessed with a positive outlook. I say blessed because it is not something I consciously learned or acquired. It is just something I have, like blue eyes. I like having a positive outlook. I see it as a positive trait, but that may be self-fulfilling since I am predisposed to see things in a positive light. Because this trait has served me well, I have tried to cultivate it in myself and advocate it for others.

I know a number of people who seem to be wired the opposite way, with a negative outlook. They worry a lot, complain a lot, and focus much of their attention on their concerns and fears. I subscribe to the principle that where attention goes energy flows. Attention can take the form of thoughts, feelings, or actions. The more attention you give to something, the more it is likely to happen, so a positive outlook increases the likelihood of a positive outcome. Conversely, a negative outlook increases the likelihood of a negative outcome.

I have friends and colleagues who realize that they are predisposed to see things in a negative light. They believe, however, that it’s just something they have to accept because they are wired that way—it’s their default mode. As you might imagine, I have a different viewpoint. Being a possibility thinker, I tend to see things not as they are but as they might be. We may be born left-handed, but that doesn’t mean we can’t learn to do things with our right hand. It only means that doing so takes some work and practice because it doesn’t come naturally to us.

We can learn to have a positive focus. For example, let’s say you are scheduled to have sinus surgery. You have met with your doctor, and he has told you all the things that can go wrong. The doctor says the operation might not solve the problem that drove you to seek the surgery. The operation might have to be repeated. You might lose your sense of smell or taste. You might even become blind or brain-damaged. At this point, all these negative possibilities are in your head. What do you do? Cancel the surgery? Picture these negative possibilities and worry about them? Do you talk about these negative possibilities with your friends and family? Do you picture these things happening to you? Do you write them down in a journal? Do you pray they won’t happen to you? Do you go online and read about the cases where this kind of surgery had a bad result? All of these put your attention on negative outcomes. They put your attention on the very things you don’t want to happen. That’s an option. But it’s not your only option.

In this case, and in every case, you can choose another way. You can choose to see things in a positive light and diminish negative thinking. You can do this through affirmations, visualizations, journaling, and being mindful of what you think, say, write, and do. You can say to yourself and to others, “I trust my surgeon and know my surgery will be completely successful.” “I see myself breathing freely and easily.” “I breathe with ease.”

Affirmations are one of many useful tools for creating positive outcomes. Affirmations speak to both our conscious and unconscious mind. Frame affirmations as if they are already true. They will be true in your mind’s eye if you declare them to be true. If you weigh 185 pounds and want to lose 10 pounds, you don’t say, “I’m going to lose 10 pounds, and then I’ll feel great.” Instead, you say, “I weigh 175 pounds and I feel great.” It isn’t really true at the time you say it, but saying it as though it were true helps your unconscious mind assist you in aligning your declaration with reality.

Visualizations are created with your imagination, drawings, or pictures. Again, create in your mind’s eye what you want to manifest in reality. Give your attention to that positive possibility. The Law of Attraction, as described in the books (and movies) The Secret and You Can Heal Your Life, reminds us that our feelings play an important role in manifesting positive outcomes. In the same way that affirmations work best when they are stated as though they’ve already happened, we need to engender the feelings we will have when our positive outcome becomes a reality before the reality actually occurs. We must learn to engender those feelings in advance based on visualizations, movie clips, triggering related memories, stories, or role-playing. In other words, we need to learn to use our emotions proactively instead of just reactively. This is easier said than done, of course, but the authors of those books/movies make a persuasive case for this approach.

A focus on the positive is multi-faceted. For it is a way of seeing, a way of being, a way of thinking, a way of acting, and a way of feeling. These facets are all interconnected so we can start anywhere. Because we live in a polarized world where everything has an opposite, we can take any negative and reframe it to a positive perspective. So instead of giving our attention to the fact that we have lost our job, we can focus on the opportunity to find a new, more fulfilling one. This is not to argue that we can make every negative into a positive, but rather that there is a positive way of looking at the same reality that has the potential to be more fruitful. When we’ve lost a loved one it is painful as it should be. But it is up to us to decide if we are going to focus on the loss or how wonderful that person was and what a blessing it was to have had them as part of our lives.

Ultimately, focusing on the positive is a matter of choice. Whether we are thinking, feeling, or acting, we can do so from a positive or negative orientation. If we want to expand the positives in our life, we need to catch ourselves when we are in a negative modality. Through self-awareness or from feedback from others, we can come to recognize when we are operating from a negative perspective. At that point, we can reflect on and reframe what is happening. We can tell ourselves a different story about whatever it is we are dealing with.

Here’s an example: Let’s say there is an argument among family members that has caused people to say unkind things to one another; relationships seem to be deteriorating. A negative orientation might be to think that fights within families are inevitable, that it’s natural for us to like some people and not others, and that people deserve to be treated badly when they’ve acted badly. A positive orientation would say that’s one way of looking at things, but there is always another. Perhaps people are not getting along because of a lack of understanding about circumstances that are not readily apparent, or maybe there are poor patterns of communication. Perhaps this is an opportunity for individual and family healing and for people to get to know each other better. Who knows? The point is to ask ourselves what this situation would look like if reframed from a positive perspective. If we see the positive story as a more desirable outcome, we can then choose a positive course of action.

A positive focus does not always assure a positive outcome, just as a negative focus does not assure a negative outcome. Negative thinking will at times yield positive results and vice versa, but those are exceptions. This is all about possibility and probability. Increasing your focus on the positive will expand the possibilities in your life and the lives of others. Increasing your focus on the positive will increase the probability of seeing a positive outcome. Being a possibility thinker with a positive outlook is simply the best bet.

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Bad Things Happen…Then What?
By ADAM SOKOLOW

  Adam Sokolow
  Adam Sokolow
Senior Advisor

I recently attended a meditation retreat that I had been looking forward to for quite some time. But when I realized that it was being held in a basement loft with two small windows that opened into a bricked shaftway, letting in air but no direct sunlight, I casually commented to a friend, “Bad timing. Mother Nature is throwing her annual springtime coming-out party and I’d really rather be in Central Park.” She responded, “It’s okay, everything happens for a reason.” She was taken aback when I said, “Yes, a bad reason.”

I hadn’t intended to reproach her; she was simply repeating a commonly held notion in spiritual circles—that we are all working through our karma based on what we have done in this and previous lifetimes and everything that happens to us is in some way part of our lesson plan for spiritual growth. But her casual statement struck a discordant chord in me. I had been dealing with this issue directly with someone whom I was trying to help recover from a random violent attack. He had been jumped from behind and beaten up by three strangers in a part of town that he had never visited before. Imagine how inappropriate it would have been if I said to him, “Hey, everything happens for a reason.”

This view of karma may be comforting because it implies that life ultimately makes sense and is just. But it fails to account for the reality of chaos, which is to say that things may also occur simply because of randomness, probability, and chance. Sometimes we can just get lucky or, conversely, be in the wrong place at the wrong time and simply be on the receiving end of someone else’s bad karma.

I tried to recover the moment by briefly explaining the reason behind my sharp retort. My friend smiled and said she understood. For me, our exchange was like a cold morning shower. I was attending an advanced meditation retreat in what I recognize as a sacred but yet dangerous world. The tension between these two apparent poles is a potent reminder of just how important it is to be spiritually grounded in a world where, quite literally, anything can happen.

There are serious questions one naturally asks oneself when bad things happen. What if I hadn’t walked down that street at that time? I sensed there was something not right about the situation, so why didn’t I turn back? But what happens when we lose someone or something very dear to us, or when the problems are so diffused within the environment that there is scant possibility that we could recognize them—much less avoid them? For example, how many people lost their life savings in the recent collapse of the financial markets? Or, as another example, what about the countless people caught up in state-sponsored violence? In the latter case, statements such as It is their karma not only trivialize the complexities of life circumstances, but also make matters worse by implying that these unfortunate people were somehow complicit in their own misfortune. If we reject the notion of complicity, the fact remains that we were caught up in these negative occurrences and are therefore confronted by our necessity to discover the spiritual context in which we can heal ourselves by discerning meaning through our misfortune.

In this regard, I want to convey to you what my rabbi said to the congregation on Yom Kippur, the Jewish High Holiday when Jews ask God for forgiveness and ask to be written in the Book of Life for yet another year. By tradition, we are entitled to ask for God’s forgiveness and bounty if we ourselves are willing to forgive those who have wronged us in any way. We also must try by fair measure to make right the wrongs that we have committed to others and the environment in which we all live. This holiday is very important to me, for it’s a reminder of the dynamic relationship between the divine and the mundane. We have to meet the divine halfway in order to be made spiritually whole for the coming year. I believe that it is through this active participation with the divine that we are able to transmute our personal and collective misfortunes, mistakes, and suffering into opportunities for healing and spiritual growth.

Rabbi Eric began his sermon by posing these most difficult questions: How can Jews comprehend what happened to us during the Nazi Holocaust? Was it our karma? Did we in some way cause this to happen to ourselves? When he asked these questions, you could feel the 1,200 people in the room open to a deeper level of silence, for this is the ultimate question that all good people secretly ask in their hearts: How could God possibly allow this or any other horror to happen?

Rabbi Eric’s answer to these questions was quite direct. In essence, he said, the cause for the Holocaust, with its incalculable suffering, had nothing to do with God’s will. It was perpetrated by Germans who were incited by a deranged and sadistic leader. Which then leads one to ask: Where was God in all of this? In essence my wise Rabbi said this. The question turns us toward discovering our God-given inner strength to endure and prevail by finding within ourselves meaning when bad, even horrific, events befall us. So the answer lies in a subtle yet profound shift in emphasis within the (karmic) cause-and-effect relationship. Rather than simply focusing on what and why something happened, we shift the emphasis toward how we can best move forward when bad things happen. This is where we truly have the power to shape our destiny by exploring and cultivating our spiritual strength and depth.

When bad things happen to us, we are confronted with a choice: Do we harden or soften? Do we use misfortune as an excuse to displace our suffering by doing bad things to others, or do we place it within a spiritual context and alchemically transmute our negative experience into a positive platform for further healing, understanding, and spiritual growth?

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  Domenico Piazza
  Domenico Piazza
Senior Associate

 Positive ideas and new possibilities often arise out of our greatest challenges. When a learner has grasped and internalized a new body of knowledge, he or she is able to look out at the world through a different lens. That, essentially, is what we mean when we talk about paradigm shifts. The world may not have changed, but our perspective has. We see an altered horizon from the one we have come to expect. Out of this new view comes the challenge to adapt and find new ways to make use of the fresh possibilities that emerge.

Many years ago, I experienced such a paradigm shift with one of my students. He was one of those pesky boys who kept fidgeting in his seat, annoying all the kids near him and driving me to distraction. Dylan was a likeable boy whose behavior disrupted my patience and concentration. He was 12 years old and sat, at his request, in the front of the class. He unconsciously fiddled with a pencil as others set out to do their assignments; often, to his surprise, he launched it over the heads of his classmates. They ducked and groaned his name. Dylan would say “Sorry!” and scamper after the pencil. It was clear he never meant to hit anyone, nor did he seem to anticipate that the pencil would fly out of his hand in the first place. Other times, the pencil simply broke in half, and he would look up at me and grin sheepishly. Dylan also had the uncanny ability to “fly” out of his seat, as if ejected, and land three or four feet away. I never quite understood how he managed it. He said that he didn’t know how he did it, but observed, “Happens all the time.”

One day Dylan was absent. I quietly muttered “Yes!” You know that arm-pumping motion we make when life finally presents us with a small, much-deserved reward. A day without Dylan’s whirlwind was a good day, and so it was, until I violated a personal rule I had held since the beginning of my career. The rule was simple and practical; its goal was to preserve a certain respectable distance between professional and client. It was a rule about shopping: Never shop in the same town in which you teach.

This may seem a trivial thing to those who don’t spend their days with 12-year-olds, but I can assure you, it is not. Many a teacher can attest to the awkwardness of being spotted shopping by a student. There is a moment of paralysis on both sides. The teacher is reaching for a roll of toilet tissue; when the student sees her, some new moment of truth presents itself. Each must quickly reconcile dozens of preconceptions about reality. For the student, it is “She shops?” Then, “What’s that in her hand?” “What’s she doing here?” It’s all too much to process. And the teacher’s internal dialogue is “I should not be shopping here! Tomorrow I’ll see him, and he’ll think about what I have in my hand and wonder if, by any chance, I’ve used it since we met.” It’s all a bit much.

I spotted Dylan on the day of his absence. He was with his mother pushing a stroller as his mom made her way to the checkout counter. I hid quickly, heading up an adjacent aisle. I am not proud of this moment, but there it is. I did not want to be spotted!

After killing some time, I ventured down to the end of my aisle to see if they had checked out. My timing was almost perfect. Mom was loading the last few groceries on the counter, and Dylan stood behind her holding the handles of the stroller. My vantage point allowed me to observe him without being seen. Here’s what I saw: In the stroller sat, I guessed, a 2-year-old girl, a rolled-up towel wrapped around the back of her neck. It was helping to steady her head, which was bobbing uncontrollably from left to right. As the tiny girl turned her head, I noticed that her face was wet with drool. As I watched, Dylan pulled a few tissues out of the box he held, leaned over, and gently dabbed away the saliva. He then lovingly kissed the girl’s head and stood up. I saw that he had already begun to remove more tissues from the box to repeat this tender service. In the short time I watched, Dylan’s compassionate ministration to his little sister was reenacted several times. Finally they were gone. Gone also was my old view of this boy.

Something had moved in me that extended and deepened my view of Dylan. He was never again only the boy who pestered me daily. He was now strangely larger in my mind, more complex—more whole. Dylan had inadvertently revealed a part of his life and, by doing so, altered mine. Life with Dylan became more real and more personal. I realized that what I had lacked with him was, in large part, context. It now became possible for me to ask about his sister. It became possible for me to enter a part of his world in which he had a vital role to play, and did so successfully.

For a teacher, the broadening of real experience with students opens up opportunities for both teacher and student to grow past the superficial. Dylan, as it turned out, had come to understand cerebral palsy and could speak easily about the range of symptoms his sister lived with daily. He knew she was born too soon and didn’t get enough air at the very beginning. His mom had told him that. Remarkably, he thought he had something similar, since learning disabilities and ADHD are common prognoses for CP sufferers. He said his mom still thought that his sister would walk someday since she was holding herself up in chairs. I said, “Great! And I know you make a big difference for her.” “Yeah,” he responded, and he smiled. In health class he agreed to talk about cerebral palsy and show pictures of his sister. Dylan’s experience with his sister became ours as well.

It turns out that, in this situation, I was the learner. My new understanding of Dylan’s life helped me see how this individual added value to the life of his family. It also demonstrated Dylan’s empathic energy, which revealed his learning style. Opportunities to design instruction around that style abound and became the basis for my work with him. Dylan’s small acts created a deep shift in our relationship. When he saw himself as my teacher, the whole conversation shifted for both of us.

"I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big successes. I am for those tiny, invisible loving human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, yet which, given time, will rend the hardest monuments of human pride."
—William James

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Retirement — Twilight or Dawn? Part II
By CHRISTA METZGER

  Christa Metzger
  Christa Metzger
Guest Contributor

In the April issue of The Lens, I discussed briefly some of the factors that present challenges in retirement, post-professional life, or pension-activated life—whatever you choose to call it. Part 2 delves deeper into these challenges.

I began with the “twilight or dawn” metaphor. This issue of The Lens focuses on the positive. Just as night and day complement each other, positive and negative are both components of any truth. You might view each of the challenges I list below as existing in a kind of twilight or dawn. They have both positive and negative aspects, and what you do about them is your choice. How you address these challenges while you are still working will influence the quality of your retirement.

You have the power to make your retirement a new dawn by building positive habits into your life now! The reflective questions below may stimulate and motivate you to initiate some action, or to strengthen practices to which you are already committed.

Time

Time became my greatest gift—and my foremost challenge in retirement. Suddenly, my busy and productive work life came to a halt, and I had time for sitting, for learning, for reflecting, for anything I wanted to be—or do. For the first time in my life my empty calendar made me face the possibility of boredom. I even surrendered to purchasing that useful retirement tool: a day clock—a more relaxed time-keeping device that shows only the days of the week.

Reflective Questions:

• How do I fill my time when I’m not working?

• Am I making time now for what is most important to my life’s purpose?

• Am I aware of the spaces in between my activities, and how do I fill them?

• What might it feel like when other people no longer control my schedules and obligations, when I face empty days?

Freedom

Having choices is another gift, but with it comes the anguish of deciding what you will do. You will want to be open and take your time to see what emerges—a new freedom to be who you were meant to be. You will enjoy the freedom of the moment, but may experience melancholy about the past and uncertainty about the future.

Reflective Questions:

Do I have the courage to follow my heart, and how do I know what that might be?

• What creative activities, talents, and gifts do I want to develop—just for myself, or maybe to share with others?

• Will I still want to work part-time and achieve something, or might I want to just sit for a while and catch up on the playing I missed as a child?

Change

During my career I had read a lot about the stages of change. After all, educators are called to be change agents in the lives of children! I knew that changes involved endings and beginnings. I had read William Bridges’ classic book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes (1980), in which he so poignantly discusses the sadness of loss when something ends and the neutral zone that becomes an arid waiting place—a time of reorientation before we can reach a new beginning. Loss of your work identity will drive you into your inner self, and make you reflect on who you are without your job. You may discover new meanings and priorities for your life.

Reflective Questions:

What has been my pattern for adjusting to transition cycles in the past?

• What can I learn by observing growth and decline, birth and death in the rhythm of nature?

• Do I need to practice compassion for myself to accept what is, including the suffering that is a part of all endings?

• Who am I when I’m not my working self?

• Am I preparing myself for changes in my financial situation?

Personal Growth

A few years ago I did some research that was published by Corwin Press in 2006 as Balancing Leadership and Personal Growth: The School Administrator’s Guide. I asked school administrators how they would define personal growth. These were the six key themes they listed: balance, self-actualization, personal improvement, values, inner focus, and relationships. In your post-professional life, you will have more time to work on your personal growth in all dimensions of being—physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Effective leaders already incorporate personal growth practices into their professional and personal lives. You have begun to experience the joy of being a life-long learner who engages in various practices that cultivate personal growth.

Reflective Questions:

Do I pay attention to all aspects of my being, to my personal growth?

• How am I dealing with the stresses and challenges of my life now?

• Am I in touch with an inner strength that I trust to guide me?

• Have I taken time to be still, to explore my inner world?

• How do I nurture and take care of myself?

Thoughts

Our mind is always busy—making decisions and solving problems. We experience our mind as a seemingly endless stream of thoughts that are often hard to control or silence. Learning to be mindful and aware of our thoughts and opening to our inner senses is a practice recommended by many writers and spiritual traditions. Living more in the present moment, in the Now (I recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, 1999) is helpful when you want to let go of past emotional patterns and fears about the future.

Reflective Questions:

Have my actions in the past been guided mainly by my rational mind? Am I willing to be open to other voices within me—my intuition, my soul, my heart, my spirit?

• Have I incorporated times of silent meditation and solitude in my daily life to cultivate a more peaceful mind?

• Am I practicing awareness of how to fully live in the present moment?

Health and Aging

Paying attention to your body, to your physical well-being in a pension-activated life is unavoidable. We are made keenly aware of our increasing limitations and of the need to focus on good nutrition, adequate exercise, and getting enough rest. You will certainly have more time to take care of your body in a retired lifestyle, especially if you practice good health habits now. Confronting health issues that are not in your control, and facing your own mortality, will provide additional challenges.

Reflective Questions:

Is health of mind and body a life commitment for me?

• Do I treat my body with respect and compassion?

• Am I comfortable with the thought of human mortality, with the natural cycles of living and dying?

• Will I pay more attention to my health now so that I can have a vibrant and golden age when I retire?

Connections

Often people change their residence after retirement. My husband and I made a move from Los Angeles to eastern North Carolina. Even though I love our peaceful house in the woods on the water, I missed my friends. Connecting with others, family and friends, is important, especially after your workplace relationships come to an end. Connecting with your inner divine, with nature, with animals and plants will feed your soul and spirit.

Reflective Questions:

Who are the important people in my life? How do I maintain these relationships?

• How do I develop new relationships?

• Am I practicing awareness of the interconnectedness of all life?

• How am I connecting with my own inner true self, with my inner guides?

• Am I taking time to connect with nature, with all living things—animals and plants?

With all that said, I recommend retirement as a precious and very special time of life! Its blessings will be multiplied if you begin to prepare yourself now. I would love to hear from you if you have additional suggestions for making retirement the dawn of a new day. You may address these to Letters to the Editor or e-mail me personally at christame@embarqmail.com.

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Good News! Developing Partnerships for a Promising Future in Catholic Education
By BEA MAH HOLLAND

  Bea Mah Holland
 

Bea Mah Holland
Founding Partner and Executive Coach

In June 2008 I gave a keynote address at the annual Boston College Conversations in Excellence Conference for educators titled “Design for Success: New Configurations for Catholic Schools.” My talk dealt with the issue of change and advocated Appreciative Inquiry (AI), a philosophy and process that builds on the strengths of positivity, inquiry, and wholeness. This presentation ultimately led to a turnaround project in the St. Louis Northeast Deanery, which focused on the future of their 10 Catholic elementary schools.

The Catholic Church and its schools have been weakened in recent years by the sexual abuse scandals, as well as by financial and demographic challenges. Church leaders have been seeking ways to strengthen the system and to seek innovative solutions for their schools. After three parishioners were introduced to AI at the Boston conference, a series of informational and participatory meetings followed, culminating in the leadership agreeing to use this approach.

As a result, on February 6 and 7 of this year my colleague Mary Jo Greil and I facilitated an Appreciative Inquiry Summit at the St. Louis Northeast Deanery, which was attended by a diverse group of 225 people that included the church pastors, the school principals, parents, representatives from the Catholic Education Office, and other community leaders. The participants’ packets included the results of interviews of more than 600 parishioners, as well as demographic and financial information.

Many emotions existed in the community: betrayal and anger engendered by the church leaders’ unilateral decision to close 14 parishes and five schools four years earlier; distrust arising from the perception that the church hierarchy was unwilling to be influenced; fear of school closings and of stronger schools being weakened by needier ones; and pessimism that anything could or would work to create change and success for the schools. Most of these lingering emotions dissipated as the project developed from October to February. During the planning phase, leadership emerged from the parishioners, the school office, the pastoral community, the business community, and the archdiocese—with the bishop giving the final Eucharistic liturgy.

At the Summit, the creative skits presented by each table to show their vision of what Catholic elementary education would look like in five years provided levity and cohesion, in addition to stretching people out of their comfort zones. Some 150 of the 225 attendees committed to being a part of action teams that have brought in a wide-ranging group of people who continue to build a shared vision for the future of Catholic elementary education. Noteworthy progress has been made in key areas such as finance, governance, and administration and facilities. A schedule has been established to share the deliberations in the fall of this year.

The inclusion of representatives from all the parishes and a variety of constituencies, as well as the process of bringing to light positive experiences and structures, strengthen the belief that through giving voice and uniting vision, the Deanery can evolve into a more coherent and effective community.

I have been constantly encouraged by the progress being made by the St. Louis Northeast Deanery in facing an issue that is confronting most Catholic schools in the nation. While there have been many challenges along the way, the process is maturing. The Deanery wants to succeed—to be an instrument of the continuing of the Catholic faith—and is working to develop a viable plan not only to have their schools survive, but also to thrive. This is a work in progress, but it appears to have a strong possibility for success.

For more information on this initiative, consult the website: GivingVoiceUnitingVision.

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Peace and Happiness Through “Positivity”
By CLAIRE SHEFF-KOHN

  Claire Sheff-Kohn
 

Claire Sheff-Kohn
Senior Associate and Mentor

Some years ago, wishing to become a better public speaker (a requirement that came with my role as a school administrator), I signed up for a 14-week seminar, The Dale Carnegie Course in Effective Speaking and Human Relations. I quickly discovered that the course was as much about positive thinking and interpersonal relationships as it was about public speaking. Over the course of the 14 weeks, what I really learned was how one could be more optimistic and even be a better person. After more than 10 years of Sunday school, two years of Catholic high school, a short stint in the convent, and two degrees earned at Catholic colleges (which included courses in religion and ethics), Dale Carnegie’s course taught me how to put the principles I had studied throughout my religious training into practice on a daily basis.

Carnegie’s simple formula for how to “Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness” included such suggestions (all from The Golden Book, by Dale Carnegie, 1936, reprinted in 1979) as:

• “Fill your mind with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope.”

• “Never try to get even with your enemies.”

• “Count your blessings—not your troubles.”

• “Try to profit from your losses.”

• “Create happiness for others.”

These seemingly simple adages served as the basis for very powerful learning experiences both through the content of the course and in partnership with the other people in the seminar. A year after taking the course, I signed on to be a graduate assistant so I could take the course a second time. Having seen its value personally, I have brought Dale Carnegie training to some of my school districts over the years.

I believe that Carnegie was a visionary. He knew intuitively, as early as the 1930’s, that worry and negative thinking could affect not only one’s job performance and personal relationships, but also one’s health. More than 60 years later, Candace Pert, a neuroscientist and pharmacologist, wrote the groundbreaking book, Molecules of Emotion: The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine (Simon and Schuster, 1998). Ten years after taking the Carnegie course, I bought Pert’s book and read her revolutionary conclusion that “it is our emotions and their biological components that establish the crucial link between mind and body.” Pert reported that “at the end of the day, all people really want to know is how to feel good.” And so in her newest book, Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d (Hay House, 2007), she discusses “how mind, body, and spirit are inseparable.” Pert says “we are hard-wired for bliss,” which she believes is “both physical and divine.”

My ongoing search for the positive led me to check out one of the newest additions to the research on positive emotions: a book by positive psychology pioneer Barbara Fredrickson titled Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive (Crown, 2009). Her website described the book as follows:

"World renowned researcher Dr. Barbara Fredrickson gives you the lab-tested tools necessary to create a healthier, more vibrant, and flourishing life. She discovered that experiencing positive emotions in a 3-1 ratio with negative ones leads people to a tipping point beyond which they naturally become more resilient to adversity and effortlessly achieve what they once could only imagine. With Positivity, you’ll learn to see new possibilities, bounce back from setbacks, connect with others, and become the best version of yourself."

I will report to you once I finish the book, which includes case studies and Dr. Fredrickson’s suggestions for increasing one’s positivity ratio. In the meantime, you can see her on YouTube. You also can try out her positivity ratio self-test.

I have been in search of the positive my whole life, but I don’t feel as if I have mastered “the power of positive thinking.” Consequently, I continue to revisit and relearn the associated principles, in the hope that one day I might achieve mastery. In the meantime, I intend to keep reading and practicing.

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“Get in the Van”
By KATHLEEN ALFIERO

  Kathleen Alfiero
 

Kathleen Alfiero
Associate

“Get in the Van” is the title of a fun CD created by my son’s friend Al (he’s my friend now, too). Al is hilarious. He’s touring the country sharing his funny take on life with thousands of fans. My son sent me a copy of Al’s CD for my birthday; I can’t wait to listen to it, but I already got a lot from my gift. The title grabbed me right away: “Get in the Van.” The story of my current life flashed through my mind—the way some people think happens when we leave our physical bodies. Here are two stories that popped into mind simultaneously as I unwrapped my small birthday present.

I saw immediately why it’s good to get in the van. Knowing Al as I do, I suspect that he and I have similar thoughts that inspired him to choose this title for his first comedy CD.

I’m in the van more often than not these days. There is a place—a place that’s actually a vibration—where everything I want exists. In this story, the van and this special place became one to me.

When we head out to go somewhere, anywhere, we leave from where we are. The length and quality of our movements depend on the number of miles between where we are and our destination, as well as our attitude about the experience. We must be intentional in planning our journeys, or we make it harder to get there.

Seeing Al’s title, I immediately saw a funky red van in my driveway. I like it. I want to take a ride in it. I’m in the house. It’s a long walk to get to the van when I’m tired, negative, complaining, worried, stressed, overwhelmed, and feeling bad. It takes a lot of energy for me to get ready. First, I have to get dressed and all that entails (don’t make me go through the details), find the keys, remember my pocketbook, get my coat (which I hate that I need but I live in the Northeast so I need to suck it up and wear it). I open the door and take one dangerous icy step after another as I walk to my “vehicle of happiness.” It feels like forever between the house and my front yard. It’s not really that big, is it? After all, the red van is sitting right outside my door! If that’s true, why do I sometimes make it so hard?

Here’s the other version of the story: I’m in the house. I’m happy, optimistic, believing, light about things, knowing that all is well, and shaking any inclination to worry about anything. It feels as if time and space are my friends. I’m getting dressed with ease (everything’s clean and pressed and my hair does itself). I’m thinking about how wonderful my life is, and I’m quick to catch any negative feelings I’m harboring. I think something different that makes me feel a little better when I feel those feelings. I’m focused on the positive. That’s it! I’m thinking about what’s good about the people I love, and I’m keenly aware that the van is full of joy and where I want to be. I take the short walk from the house to the driveway and, with a smile, I get in the van. It’s great in there. I love the butter-colored leather seats, the Bose CD player and speakers, the custom dash that has old-fashioned chrome buttons that add to my exuberance. I think, “I love being in this thing.” Another thought comes: “I asked, I allowed, and I received. It’s a great life.”

Then, for some weird reason, I open the door and leave the keys in the ignition. I get out. I feel cold, and I notice I’m worried about money, about all the things I want but can’t afford. I recall that I’m angry about the port-o-potty that my neighbor just put in his yard. (Did I mention that I see it when I open my front door?) How can I see the van with that thing in the way? I wonder how I’ll make my dreams come true. Then I catch myself and laugh. I see what I’ve done. I step back into the van. I turn the keys and begin my blissful journey.

So, Al—that’s what you’ve done. You have given me a way to see how silly I am when I get out of the van. I can get back in it anytime I want by feeling good. It’s a kick. I choose to stay in the van. In fact, I appreciate that I built it—that’s why it’s so great! I’m planning to sit in my van and listen to your CD. You are really funny! I know I’ll laugh and laugh. Thank you, Al, for choosing to be joyful yourself. When you make that choice, you give me an opportunity to feel joy too. I’ll do my best to live “In the Van”—the van that’s everywhere I am—and give back to you and others.  

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Accentuating the Positive: Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports
By MAYBETH CONWAY

  Maybeth Conway
  Maybeth Conway
Senior Associate

Please picture this scene:

You walk into an elementary classroom and there’s chaos. One teacher is valiantly attempting to gain the attention of the class; a second teacher focuses her efforts on one particularly unruly young lady. When the disruptive student turns in your direction, you realize that she suffers from Down Syndrome. While both teachers do their best to create a positive learning environment, their efforts are only minimally successful. The net effect is a room that overflows with frustration.

Now picture this:

You walk into the same elementary classroom six months later and are immediately struck by the delightful hum of a peaceful, productive learning environment. Most students are gathered on the rug at the front of the classroom; hands dart eagerly into the air to answer the teacher’s questions. Off to the side, the special educator offers remedial instruction and frequent praise to her special student. The student responds with many correct answers and a radiant smile.

How do you explain this remarkable transformation? When you ask the teachers, they tell you that they owe it all to a gifted behavioral psychologist who introduced them to Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports.

Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports (PBIS) is a decision-making framework that guides the selection, integration, and implementation of the best evidence-based academic and behavioral practices for improving important academic and behavioral outcomes for all students (www.PBIS.org). This framework is being enthusiastically promoted by the Office of Special Education Programs (a department within the U.S. Department of Education) for all learning environments; a wealth of resources are available online and through the OSEP office. OSEP is dedicated to improving results for infants, toddlers, children, and youth with disabilities, ages birth through 21, by providing leadership and financial support to assist states and local districts.

This decision-making framework can be implemented on an individual, class-wide, or school-wide scale. Proponents build their intervention strategies on four integrated elements. First, in all instances, data is a crucial component of the decision-making process. Second, practitioners stress the importance of clearly measurable outcomes that can be supported and evaluated with this data. Third, they then identify exemplary practices that offer evidence that these outcomes are actually achievable. Fourth, these practices are woven into a purposeful system that efficiently and effectively supports proper implementation.

These four key elements, which reflect the essence of most data-driven decision-making frameworks, are guided by six central principles that capture more of the unique quality of this application:

1. Develop a continuum of scientifically based behavior and academic interventions and supports.

2. Use data to make decisions and solve problems.

3. Arrange the environment to prevent the development and occurrence of problem behaviors.

4. Teach and encourage pro-social skills and behaviors.

5. Implement evidence-based behavioral practices with fidelity and accountability.

6. Screen universally and monitor student performance and progress continuously.

While these principles may simply seem to reflect common educational practice, actually they may not. This framework offers substantive challenges to the status quo in many classrooms. With the help of a trained behaviorist, the teacher must bravely examine every single behavior pattern that influences students’ academic performance and behavior. In all likelihood, there will be many well-established classroom practices that subtly serve as deterrents to optimal student performance. Once any learning impediments have been identified, teachers are required to make rapid preventive changes that may seem awkward and excessive at first. Even at this early stage, this framework may require a huge leap of faith.

Once the data has been examined and the practices have been put in place, the really hard work begins. There is nothing casual about this system. Teachers must adhere strictly to prescribed behavior patterns. A great deal of time may need to be spent on teaching specific target pro-social behaviors that are seldom taught directly in a classroom. Detailed data must be kept to determine the extent to which the desired outcomes are being achieved. The initial framework may require frequent revisions and adjustments. This is not an appealing assignment for the random or the faint-hearted.

So what are the potential rewards for this arduous endeavor? The research-based outcomes suggest that schools that implement this framework with integrity and durability will create a learning environment that is less reactive, aversive, dangerous, and exclusionary. Classrooms will be more engaging, responsive, preventive, and productive. Teachers find that it becomes much easier to address common classroom management issues. This system also provides far more support and specialized assistance to the most challenged students. In the end, PBIS promises to offer an inviting learning environment that maximizes academic engagement and achievement for all students.

Finally, picture this:

You walk into the same classroom in June. The children are pleasantly engaged in an end-of-year celebration of their accomplishments. Proud students are sharing their reflections on the high points of the year, including all the new things they have learned. The special student appropriately enters the discussion and eagerly shares her personal accomplishments. Her classmates respond with genuine warmth and praise. The teacher reminds the entire class of the significant gains that are documented through reliable data. Visiting parents, teachers, and students join in heartfelt cheers for the joys of learning.

Does it get much more positive than this?

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An Amazing Woman
By TOM VONA

  Tom Vona
 

Tom Vona
Senior Associate
and Mentor

An amazing woman passed from my life three months ago: my mother, Gertrude Vona. She never graduated from high school, had little formal job training, nor did she hold any lofty titles; yet she had an influence that extended well beyond our family to everyone she met. When I think of the spiritual dimensions of leadership, and of any leadership abilities I may possess, I know the reason for this is my mother and the influence she had on my life. She was always there for me—celebrating my triumphs, suffering through my misfortunes, and continually providing me with the support and guidance I needed.

My mother was a rare person—a gem among people, a caring, loyal woman who didn’t have much in worldly possessions, but who made the most of what she had and did a lot with a little. She was generous beyond compare to her family and friends. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone, and no one had anything bad to say about her. She always made others feel good about themselves; she made everyone feel special.

My mother believed very strongly in respect, and instilled that in me from the time I was a very young boy. She set an example for her family to emulate. Love, respect, forgiveness, caring, tolerance—for her, these were the values by which her family was to live.

My mother taught me many things in my life that helped me become the person I am, and that helped me become the teacher and the school leader that I became. Though she did not have a college education, it was something that she wanted for me and something that she was willing to sacrifice for so that I could attain this goal even after my father’s untimely death. The idea of using the skills and blessings that God had given me was something that was instilled in me from the time I was a child. I saw my mother always trying to make the world a better place in her own small way—by the way she treated people, by the way she shared what she had, by the way she went out of her way for others—and her example had an impact on me and made me want to live my life that way as well. My mother was an extremely caring person, and that is one trait I try to emulate because I know it is such an important attribute in a world where it seems that people just do not care enough about each other.

Steve Sokolow suggested that for this issue of The Lens we address the principle of focusing on the positive. Many years ago my mother read The Power of Positive Thinking, by Norman Vincent Peale; she suggested that all of us read it too. I remember how important that book was to her, and how she wanted us to read it and focus on all that was positive in our lives. She always tried to look for the good in life, the good in people; to her, the glass of life was half full. It wasn’t always easy; she was faced with many hardships in her life, especially losing my father when he was only 47. But she persevered and tried to remain strong for her children, her grandchildren, and her friends.

Recently I read a book titled What Remains; its underlying message was that what is important in life is not how much you have in this life as far as material things are concerned or what titles you may hold. What remains—your true legacy when you are gone—is the kind of person you were, how you lived your life, what contributions you made, how you treated other people, whether you left the world a better place. It is very obvious to me that this world is a much better place because my mother was a part of it for such a long time. She brought a positive spirit, beauty, and joy to our world. She was one of God’s most beautiful creations, and those of us who were touched by her love are all better people because she lived and touched our lives. I am trying to follow the example she set by the way she lived her life. While it may seem simple, it is not always so easy to follow: Love one another, respect each other, forgive each other, and never forget the importance of family and friends. My mother was truly an amazing woman. She will never be forgotten.

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Trust in Negotiations
By LAWRENCE KORCHNAK

  Lawrence Korchnak
 

Lawrence Korchnak
Guest Contributer

Recently I accepted the position of superintendent in a district that had endured intense negotiations and an ugly teacher strike. The tension between the teaching staff and administration could be physically felt. The community had been the subject of intense media attention while teachers picketed and the two sides hacked out a contract. Deep personnel cuts had caused and painful wounds. As a new superintendent, I experienced a steady flow of grievances on every imaginable provision of the collective bargaining agreement.

Accordingly, I set out to rebuild bridges and reestablish trust by improving communication with the president of the teacher's union; we scheduled weekly visits at the building level, and we exchanged phone calls and e-mails. If a decision involved the staff, she became part of the process. Each time that we exchanged views, we strengthened our relationship. Each time we discussed problems, we created a deeper sense of shared goals. Each time we resolved issues outside the formal grievance structure, we built trust. As our collaboration increased over time, the grievances subsided. Our relationship evolved from a procedural one to a professional and personal one.

Unfortunately, by this time the teacher contract was in its last year due to the strike; the time to renegotiate loomed on the horizon, with the distinct possibility of another strike. We needed to avoid repeating the past; we needed to allow the district to focus on educating children. So I did the unexpected and approached the union to pursue an early-bird contract.

Two teams began negotiations under the statutory timeline set forth by the state. I opted not to be a part of the district team and, instead, assumed the role of “official” advisor for the district. However, I was present at each meeting to consult and serve as liaison to the school board. After several meetings, it became apparent that there were obstacles that prevented significant movement by either side. While both teams attempted a breakthrough, something was needed to restore the initial momentum as the statutory deadline approached.

I recalled a workshop that I had attended by Steve Sokolow and Paul Houston. Steve and Paul’s workshop made it clear that trust is the result of putting it all on the line—especially when it makes you vulnerable.

So I decided to take our trust to the next level. In fact, I met privately with the union president. Basing my approach on “you get what you give,” I told her that I was seeking a deeper bond of trust and, since someone had to start, I was willing to take the first step in the process.

Accordingly, I shared my assessment of the process and outlined the resolution that I felt was fair to the teachers and attainable from the district perspective. I trusted the union president to use that knowledge during the process without directly revealing it. I asked her to influence the teacher-team discussions in the direction of a focused compromise and resolution. True to her word, she became the catalyst for resolving the contractual differences, and the teams reached agreement in two subsequent sessions. By agreeing to an early-bird contract, we saved the district and the union more than $100,000 in fees and legal costs. Furthermore, we settled on a six-year contract, giving the district an opportunity to put some distance between the animus that had been generated in the last contact and the new agreement.

Epilogue: Teacher unions in our state (Pennsylvania) are required by law to present the “new” contract to the membership and then approve or disapprove it within 48 hours—which our union did. The teacher team presented the multiple-year agreement to its membership according to agreed-upon guidelines, and the teachers approved the agreement overwhelmingly. Normally, an early-bird contract is presented immediately to the Board for public approval. However, the union was asked to delay their vote to allow the Board to solidify support in the face of local elections. In an unprecedented response to trust, the union agreed to keep the contract settlement confidential for more than two months until after the Board elections. During that entire time, neither side revealed the terms of the agreement; as a result, the contract was approved without political intervention.

Now more than ever there is a stronger bond between our teachers, the administration, the community and the school board.Trust made the difference—and the risk was worth the reward.

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Being Positive—the Fine Print
By ROBERT W. COLE

  Robert W. Cole
 

Robert W. Cole
Managing Editor
and Senior Associate

Days are neither bad days nor good days; they simply are. We—each one of us—bring to each new day our own load of baggage: our hopes, fears, wishes, ambitions, frustrations, disappointments—the endless to-do list that is life. We create each day anew in our own image out of all that we have been and experienced, and all that we may wish to be. We have the immense power of being able to create, and re-create, our own reality with every passing minute. Not happy? Change your head. As one of my mothers-in-law was fond of saying, “If you’re mad, you can just get glad again.” Can this truly be? Is it always as simple as a decision? Sometimes I wonder…

A few days ago my brother said to me, with a tone of some surprise, as if he’d just discovered something amazing, “You’re a pretty positive guy, aren’t you?” I affirmed his suspicion. My life has been full to overflowing. Two marriages (and two divorces from two wonderful women). Four children I adore with all my heart, who taught me how to love unreservedly. Scads of mini-careers doing things that I’ve been blessed to be good at. Life’s beauty—the amazing gift of living on this earth—beyond measure. Yes. I am positive.

However. The contract of life on earth has conditions. Read the fine print. First of all, life has to end, right? And what comes afterward is subject to widely varying interpretations. But this too—like the untouched canvas of each new day that presents itself to us—just is.

Second, there are lessons to be learned while we’re here. It’s our choice to learn them or not, as they—like the days—present themselves to us. Before we can set about learning life’s lessons, though, we have to be aware that they exist. Some folks never learn; others rail against the system. I know the truth of this; I lived in denial for a long, long time—and paid for it.

The lessons—our reason for being here, the rules buried at the heart of the contract—are different for each one of us, but intended to…well, to help us grow, to advance spiritually. This is a polite way of saying that they’re not intended to be easy. Life’s lessons are intended to challenge, each in a different, necessary-to-our-growth way. Life on earth is not devised to be easy. Amazing, beautiful, uplifting—yes. But not easy.

So take it or leave it. Ignore one lesson (or a thousand and one) and you’ll get more chances—until you pay attention. Elsewhere in this issue of The Lens, Kathleen Alfiero writes engagingly of “getting in the van”—being in the flow of life. If you’re not in the van, first you have to be aware that you’re not—and be willing to change that state. That takes self-awareness—the Observer Self. To be able to create the kind of day you might wish for, you must first be here and able to perceive fully the power you have to create your own life.

With that in mind, and to take a shot at answering the question I posed at the end of the first paragraph: yes. Yes, I believe that changing your head really can be as simple as making a decision. But here’s the rub: That doesn’t mean it’s an easy decision.

Please understand: I do tend to be a positive person, but Gandhi I’m not. (Hear the derisive hoots from those who know me well.) My positiveness is not a peaceful positivism. When something rotten—either capital-R rotten or everyday rotten—breaks into my day, my agile monkey brain kicks into gear, searching for whatever may be positive, seeking a way out of the situation. I have not yet learned the meditative serenity of waiting for the universe to rearrange itself. I set to work finding a way to make things right. Why is this so? Maybe some confluence of positivism with a definite need for instant gratification. This can be tiring, I’ll admit.

So…as I write this, I’m on a plane somewhere between Louisville and Baltimore. The little urchin directly behind me is kicking the seat; his younger sibling is bawling lustily. How do I convert this particular situation into a positive experience for me? Don’t ask me—I’m not yet highly evolved enough to transmute the lead of this flight into gold. In the meantime, determined though not joyful, a nap out of the question, I hunch forward in my seat and type. The journey continues, and the lessons to be learned are crystal clear…

***

Let’s have a conversation. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll really see one another—and learn wondrous new things about ourselves, and pass those precious learnings along to others. Send your stories—300-600 words, please—to literacy@mindspring.com.

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Letters to the Editor
From Our Readers

I just finished reading Christa Metzger's article in The Lens (April 2009) . My first thought is that everyone who will retire should read this. It is an important perspective that supports reflection and planning. … Maybe the retirement counselors in each State and District should have access to it so they can provide it to the retirees. In LA there is a retirement luncheon for hundreds. It would be a wonderful "gift" to each person. Wish I had read it 16 years ago when I retired…. I don't know what else exists that is similar. Looking forward to Part 2.

- Dr. Elaine Gourley, Torrance, California

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