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Center for Enlightened Leadership
 
THE LENS – A QUARTERLY E-NEWSLETTER/JOURNAL

Forgiveness Mantras
By CHRISTA METZGER

  Christa Metzger
  Christa Metzger
Guest Contributor

“To err is human, to forgive divine.” It was Alexander Pope who wrote those famous words in an essay on Criticism, published in 1711. And, sure enough, in my Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (Divine Scriptures), I found hundreds of references to forgive, forgiven, forgiveness, forgiveth, and forgiving.

I also looked in some of my other favorite spiritual books to find mention of the word. Surprisingly (to me, at least), there weren’t many references—maybe it’s considered an old-fashioned word? In The Art of Happiness (2009), the Dalai Lama mentions forgiveness as a product of patience and tolerance. Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg (Nonviolent Communication, 2005) advocates self-forgiveness and describes it as a way to connect with the need we were trying to fulfill when we took the action which we now regret. In The Power of Now (1999), Eckhart Tolle talks about an inner “pain body” caused by unresolved emotions when the mind holds onto a grievance pattern. Tolle says this indicates that you haven’t forgiven yourself, a situation or condition, or another person.

Legends and tales abound of haunted spirits, zombies, the undead, and ghosts that roam among the living half-decayed or in chains. These unfortunate beings are thought to suffer their fate because of something unresolved in their past lives; they are unforgiven or unforgiving. Since I don’t want to come back as such a creature, I reflected on what might be unforgiven in my own life.

Mostly I came up with things about myself. Sooner or later, given the passing of enough time, you can probably forgive almost everyone. Even on your deathbed it’s not too late to absolve a family member who did something to you that you need to get off your chest (out of your heart). For me, it’s easier to forgive myself when I invoke that ultimate plea to the divine to “forgive them, for they know not what they do,” since much of the time I don’t know what I’m doing. I still cringe when I remember the disturbance I caused at a recent silent meditation weekend when I was oblivious to the jingling of my bracelets. On the last day, one of the participants mentioned that she could always tell when I’d become settled because I stopped tinkling.

With this in mind, I often ask forgiveness for all the things I do that affect others negatively of which I’m not even aware. (That should cover most everything I regret.) I think that because I was so often punished as a child for my mistakes, it helps me now to just keep asking someone out there, “Please forgive me”—and then to try being silent enough to hear the answer: “I forgive you.” Sometimes I adapt the Buddhist compassion meditation, “May I be held in forgiveness…”

Recognizing one’s own fallibility and seemingly endless need for forgiveness also helps in forgiving others—and even forgiving life itself! Things happen, and you can’t hang onto your wish to be in control for very long. People get sick or have accidents, lose their jobs or a loved one at the most inopportune times. No one inquires if you’re ready to suffer from the conditions imposed by life. Of course it’s important to cry and grieve for a while, but forgiving as quickly as possible helps you get on with life so you can have energy for the next challenge that comes along.

My ski trip to Colorado last February is a small example of this. Of our 14 days there, I was only able to ski for two and a half days—and I dearly love to ski! On the very first day my husband came down with gallstones and had to have his gallbladder removed. After that, we were snowed in for four days—couldn’t even get out of my sister-in-law’s driveway. While waiting for an (unavailable) snow plow, I had to ask my sister-in-law’s forgiveness because my rotten mood yielded some insensitive comments. Then I had to forgive her because she hurt my feelings, telling me to “grow up.” And of course I had to forgive myself for being so impatient and intolerant. Even my husband got involved—feeling that I didn’t show enough empathy for the fact that he couldn’t ski at all. It was a vacation full of inner lessons.

I know, that may seem like a pretty humdrum example. There are big things we could all talk about—deep wounds from past experiences, scars that are still sore when touched, even when in your mind (intellect) you have come to a state of forgiveness. But forgiving makes you free—whether it be for trivial or substantial matters.

And so I just keep repeating my mantras to practice forgiving. Right after a hurtful event, they often seem to be only hollow and empty words, but in time they fill me with an emotional and spiritual awareness that results in freedom from the suffering. Then we gain strength for the next experience that requires forgiveness—of ourselves, of others, and of whatever fate (the universe, life, God, karma) may bring.


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