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Upliftment Without the Weights
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Kathleen Alfiero |
OMG—I really am changing! I notice that I choose to feel good this morning even though, when I woke up, I quickly remembered that today is the actual due date for something I have to do. There was a time not long ago when I believed that I could never feel responsible and happy at the same time! Like all of us who are not physically sick or depressed, I get out of bed, brush my teeth, and go to my closet to get dressed. In my case, I put on gym clothes every morning. It’s my daily routine (well…except Sundays) and, amazingly, I’ve grown to love it.
I choose my gray gym capri pants and matching T-shirt and put on my sneakers. I could write an entire article about how happy I am with my new sneakers! I should call the company and offer to be the spokesperson for these beloved shoes that have begun walking miles with me every day. I care more than I ever did about wearing comfortable shoes (a sign of being older, suggested in my supposed-to-be-funny last birthday card), but I think I’ll never outlive my love for how my shoes look! So, if you’re wondering, they’re soft gray like my outfit, but…oh…the gorgeous neon-coral youthful shoestrings cause me to remember that today is the day I had set aside to write my article for the Lens about upliftment!
I could tell myself (critically) that I waited until the last minute, or I could know that today is the best day for me to write about a subject that I intentionally think about some part of every day. I’m inspired and eager to see what comes to me.
Many years ago, I forced myself to go to the gym to exercise. Soon after it became more routine for me; when I was no longer skipping days here and there, I bought an iPod and began listening to soulful and funky music while I move my body. Listening to music has become key in helping me keep my commitment to take care of myself. I felt uplifted with Stevie Wonder and his buddy Prince, and I still do! I continue to appreciate them for their beautiful voices. Eventually, the gym owners hired a new counter person who added amazingly delicious hazelnut coffee to the coffee bar, and my gym experience rose to a new level!
Recently, I have noticed that my life at the gym has become even more meaningful to me. While I had thought that I was simply enjoying my own company and focusing on being healthy, I see now that I was quietly and gracefully creating rich new relationships with my fellow gym-goers. It’s as if I went through a tunnel during these years to finally arrive at a place that has, surprisingly, become all about being who I really am, the person I was born to be: an Uplifter.
My relationships with my gym friends are not superficial, though there are a few people whose hearts I know but not their names. Many of them share the stories of their lives with me in moments here and there as we move around our dance with the Nautilus machines, free weights, or while walking side by side on the treadmills.
I’m reminded of a poem that my son copied on construction paper when he was in the fourth grade to hang in my office; it ends with these words: “Take the time to know me, or know me not at all.” That’s what we’re all doing with each other: taking short snippets of time to get to know each other.
What intrigues me about these people in my life is that we all seem to wish each other well. Is it because our relationships are not complicated and our time together each day is brief? Or is it because we are open to the goodness that flows in a place where we all have come to be healthy and well?
There’s Nick, my 89-year-old friend who walks 45 minutes on the treadmill next to me most mornings. He’s like a magnet to many men, and even more women (of all ages). He comes dressed in classy street clothes, well suited to the gentleman he is: a button-down plaid shirt, khaki pants with a preppy belt, and white sneakers. People stop to talk with Nick as he walks. He is always cordial. He asks me today how I am (as usual) and listens as I tell him something funny that I’m thinking about. I ask him how his daughter is doing after her knee replacement surgery. Nick tells me he notices that married couples barely talk to each other when they’re working out. He likes to study people. Today Nick gets off the treadmill for a moment, and when he returns he looks a bit sad. When I ask him if he’s okay, he tells me that the mother of one of our gym-friends is very ill. He obviously told her he cares.
Skip likes to laugh. He works at the desk and greets everyone with a big hello, often accompanied by a witty remark specifically related to what’s going on with whomever he’s greeting. Today, a little 3-year-old girl walks in with her father and heads toward the gym day-care center. She stops near Skip and looks up at him with bright eyes, waiting for him to pretend to hit the wall with his head. When he plays her game, she belly-laughs and is transported to feeling joy through his attention and good humor.
Linda is a 28-year-old mother of two small children who told me a few months ago that she is divorced but is still good friends with her ex-husband. I met her when she approached me one day while I was doing leg crunches. She said, “Hello. You’re a positive person, aren’t you?” I told her that I intended to be. She said, “I can tell by the way you carry yourself and how you smile at all of us.” I was touched by her acknowledgement and vowed to myself to keep smiling.
Today I’m on the treadmill next to Linda, thinking about writing this article, when she turns to me and asks, “Can I talk with you about something?” “Of course,” I respond. She tells me that she has just learned her seemingly healthy 5-year-old son needs a heart transplant. I’m stunned by the serious nature of her story. I remind her that she observed months ago that I’m a happy person and that I think she noticed because that is who she really is as well. She says with tears in her eyes, “I just want to tell the doctors to fix it!” I tell her that if she could fix it, she would never know how this experience will help her and her son become who they really are—happy and thriving people who understand even more profoundly than most the precious gift that life is. She replies that that’s what she wanted to hear. “I’m glad I’m his mother,” she says, “because I am the best one to be with him through this!”
We are all too comfortable with negative emotions. When I am wise enough to choose to feel good no matter what is going on in my life, or in another’s life experience, I notice that people want to meet me at that happier place. No one who is feeling badly wants someone to join him or her in negativity. We are all born with the potential to be lighthearted and with the intention to experience bliss, joy-filled moments, peacefulness, and passion. I remind myself that I am playful like my friend Skip.
I fill my coffee cup with my treasured hazelnut reward after my workout and get into my car feeling so much love for my friends and appreciating the opportunity I have each day to choose to feel good. I want to remember that everything always works out for me. Nothing is more important than how I feel; when I practice feeling good before the things I want come to me in my life, I don’t have to wait to be happy.
My power lies in joy—not in responsibility and distress. I can only uplift others when I feel good about who I am. I am aware that my brief conversations with my friends at the gym are full of hope; in addition, they solidify my belief that the short cut to what I want lies in my emotional journey.
Center for Empowered Leadership ®
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Phone: 1.609.259.7911