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Remember Me
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| Christa Metzger Associate |
How am I unique? How are you unique? How are you unique to me—and I to you? How do you remember me—and I you? What are our unique gifts and talents?
These questions might also be worded like this: How am I special? What is the unique meaning of my life and that of others who touch my life? How am I different, unique, gifted? How do my talents and gifts contribute to the good of others around me, to society, to our world? How are these gifts important in the development of my own life—my authentic Self?
Let me begin by answering these questions for myself. Here are some gifts and talents that I might include in a list that describes me as unique. I do these things:
- play several musical instruments
- paint watercolors
- have written articles and published books
- conduct workshops and give speeches
- have earned a Ph.D. with just nine years of basic schooling, and that in a foreign country
- speak three languages, English being my second
- am physically fit through healthy eating and a regular exercise program
- pay attention to my spiritual life through meditation and other spiritual practices
Do others know or remember these things about me? Do these things give meaning to my life? Yes, I experience some passing satisfaction in them, and some of them give my life a purpose, but I never seem to be good enough at any of them (in my own stern opinion). I am not skilled enough to be a famous pianist, nor have I sold any of my watercolor paintings. I have not given speeches to more than a few hundred people at a time; I am not a nationally recognized speaker. My books have not become best-sellers. I have not become well-known for creating some program with an Acronym and a website that is alleged to help people live a better life.
So, what is unique about us that others remember, that gives meaning to our lives? Is it accomplishments based on innate talents from ancestral genes, or gifts that have been developed through special training and education?
To discover some answers, I looked back at people in my life who have influenced me in significant ways. How do I remember them?
- There is Kathi, who accepted me as I was and let me see her heart as she was.
- My friend Elaine walked with me when I was lost in the dark woods of a crisis.
- As a beginning teacher, my career was profoundly influenced by Toy, the teacher next-door to me. Her example taught me patience, tolerance, and how to awaken the spirit of each child I met.
- Alfredo, one of my former school board presidents, wisely counseled and encouraged me through the morass of political pressures in our small community.
- Someone whose name I don’t even know—the president of a small junior college in Florida—gave me the opportunity to attend his school, even though I hadn’t ever attended a high school.
- My elementary school teacher, Herr Stroebel, allowed me to write and direct a play in the school and gave me advanced work to compensate for the limitations of the small country school in Leuzendorf, Germany where I grew up.
- Christa, who was named after me, kept her heart open and allowed me to participate in the joys and pains of her young life.
- Eagle (a Ph.D. from Harvard) taught me to understand and practice compassion for the poor, the underprivileged, and the oppressed by the often brutally honest sharing from her own heart.
- Janet adopted me as her mom and opened a world of love that extended to her little son, Kyle, whose Oma I am privileged to be.
- Elliot trusted his own assessment of my potential and gave me the chance I needed.
- My husband’s most important gift to me is to not take myself too seriously.
There are countless others, to be sure—friends, colleagues, acquaintances—whom I could list here. But the purpose of this exercise has been accomplished: to discover how I remember these people and what their unique gifts to me have been. I am deeply grateful for all of them.
Let me try to summarize the common factors from this list. What are the unique talents and gifts that these special people shared with me? Certainly many of them had special abilities (Kathi is an accomplished artist, for example), but that is not what I remember most about them.
- They trusted me and helped me to believe in myself, to discover my own way.
- They accepted who and where I was at the time and, by their example, showed me a better way.
- They found some kernel of goodness and beauty in me and developed that—together with me.
- They stood by me and walked with me in good times and bad times.
- They showed me a path, but allowed me to grow and evolve into who I could uniquely be.
- They helped me discover my inner strengths and wisdom—through laughter and tears.
- They opened their hearts and allowed me to share in their happiness and sorrows.
In the beginning of this article, I listed how I thought I might be unique. Based on my summary above of the unique gifts I have received from others who have been significant in my life, I will rewrite my original “uniqueness” list to reflect these qualities. That is how I would like to be remembered!
I believe that the real gifts that give meaning to our own lives and those of others are not musical or artistic talents, good looks, personal or professional achievements, though these may contribute to our sense of self and serve others in important ways. However, I believe that most of us will find our true and deepest uniqueness in how we express our authentic inner Selves in interactions with others—how we touch the hearts and souls of others and allow them to open us to a deeper connection with them, and with our own true Selves.
Reflection: Make a list of the people in your life whose gifts and talents have given meaning to your life, and reflect on the ways they have influenced you. Then include those qualities in your own life as ways in which you desire to be unique to others.
Center for Empowered Leadership ®
Email: info@cfel.org
Phone: 1.609.259.7911