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Three-Part Journey
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Robert W. Cole |
One
I used to be a big shot. It seems I thought I was, anyway. Other people in my profession certainly treated me like I was one. A colleague once told me admiringly, “You’re arrogant, Cole, but you’re good.” Hmm… What might I have learned from that one comment had I been listening? Not me, though—not then. I took her intended compliment (she was arrogant, too, and like called to like) at face value and was flattered. Ah, could we but see into the future…
In those days, I have come to believe, I saw what I wanted to see, or what I chose to see out of all that I might have seen. I thought I was modest. I was not. I thought I was appealingly humble. I was not. I had so, so much to learn. And, in our loving yet merciless Universe, if one will not learn necessary life lessons, karmic lessons, one is tried and tested until learning takes place.
And so it came to pass that I was fired. From the premier job in education journalism. Oh, and also: with a dear wife and two children under two years old.
Two
In his rock-solid article in this issue, “Staying True to One’s Higher Self in Daily Life,” Tom Vona helped me further clarify my thoughts about where I was at that dark time in my life. “A leader without a moral compass will eventually fail…,” Tom writes. Yes, Tom, I see the truth of that statement—now. Late, but not too late. It’s never too late in this Universe.
A decade ago, when I finally cried out for help, I saw that my life was entirely compartmentalized. I was decidedly not true to my higher self in all aspects of my life, and I didn’t know how to be otherwise. Not a clue. Before anything could change, I needed to recognize who I was, as opposed to who I was pretending to be. And still later, when much more had been taken from me, I needed to recognize who I wished to become, and be willing to work toward that end. Much harder work than editing a magazine—and, as it turned out, work that took a couple of decades.
Three
Strangely, this is the hardest part to write. Here’s a short list of what I have these days:
- First, I have the love of all four of my adult children—a gift beyond measure.
- Honesty. I don’t have to lie to anyone, about anything. I don’t have to hide anything from anyone, as I always, always did in my past. So I breathe easier, and I don’t have to look over my shoulder anymore.
- I live in a smaller room (metaphorically speaking), but many days it’s full of light, and it’s growing lighter all the time.
- Humility. I didn’t know what that word meant before; I thought it connoted wimpiness. It does not. Humility for me means being real in the face of the Universe.
- Listening. I’ve been provided with numerous painful examples of what happens when I fail to listen to my higher self. Not pleasant. So I listen a lot these days—to all that I encounter in my daily life, and to all the signs that give me indications of how I’m doing at being true to my higher self. Some days my batting average is better than others, but that’s why it’s called the “Earth school,” right?
- Awareness. I see that I created my life as it is today, to bring me to the perfection of this place where I stand (or, right this minute, sit). My awareness of my higher self—of the power and presence of God in my life—is with me constantly throughout most days. I’m working on it. And that leads to the last items on my list:
- Gratitude. Gratitude. I am extraordinarily blessed. I give thanks constantly. I pray that I’m able to find sufficient ways in this lifetime to put all my blessings into play. Right this moment, as I experience the sweep of gratitude, I thank my dear Gerry Boylan, whose recent gift of I Am the Word, by Paul Selig, came into my life at the perfect time to help me write this essay.
- And more gratitude. A bit more than twenty years after I lost what a treasured friend called “the job of a lifetime,” it was offered to me once again. What a healing moment that was! Imagine how much consideration I gave the offer, before declining. Too much had changed in the ensuing years, both in me and in the organization that once employed me. But it’s always nice to be asked to dance, yes? And my listening spirit whispered that here was the sign that the karmic wheel had spun full circle for me—in this lifetime, at least.
- Joy. Love. I am now manifesting myself as the energy of love. Life is sweet.
Center for Empowered Leadership ®
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